The Surgeon General today in a bold move has announced that overwhelming research provided to SG's office from everyone's favorite company Crow Pharmaceuticals proves once and for all that much of the SG's special tests that they have tabulated over the last few decades could indeed be tainted. A brilliant young Scientist {handsome and rather well endowed too} by the name of Jeremy Crow {the company founder as a matter of fact} has taken pain staking steps to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that all lab rats indeed are genetically born with cancer. This diabolical information that had been kept secret by the SG in a major coup to scare the American Public into believing that everything from cigarettes to nonfat dairy free tofu was going to kill you by giving you cancer, has finally come to light, and as always it was your friends at Crow Pharmaceuticals taking care of the little guy.

This is the statement that the SG had prepared for this release to the general public "Oops .. Busted," but with a little more prying and the help of a very well known celebrity "Superdaddyman" {he disguises himself very well as a janitor you see} rigging up his office we were able to get these transcripts ... "We've tried everything! We even went as far as to release the proclamation that 'The Surgeon General has determined that doing research to prove that lab rats have cancer will give you cancer' and nothing seems to work. We'll have to admit defeat and try to think up a new strategy. How is that study on sunlight spontaneously giving you four asses going?"

The news was none too soon as Crow Pharmaceuticals was set to release it's new product for FDA approval RatDeCan®, the only clinically proven Rat Cancer cure on the market today! With RatDeCan®, you can make your rats 100% cancer free so that you then can pump them with four to eight times thier body weight of whatever your favorite potential carcinogenic may happen to be with 100% confidence knowing that the Rat was completely eradicated of the nasty cancer that you want to give it the natural way, through stomach injection! Only doctor recommended RatDeCan® comes with a 100% money back guarantee! If you are not completely satisfied that RatDeCan® has totally eradicated the nasty cancer in your lab rat we will send you two new lab rats absolutely free. Don't trust the health of your lab rats to just any Rat Cancer curing product. Trust the health of your potentially cancer injected {as God would want it} rats to the people who brought you the world famous Poozees® brand Vagina flavored lozenge {The Thang with the Tang} and the wonderfully ept studies on the prevention of bird flu by simply saying "no" to snorting or eating bird feces.

Listen to some of these amazing testimonials from some of our RatDeCan® users world wide ...

• I never knew that you could actually cure your lab rats before you killed them. Thanks to RatDeCan® I can now make sure that my treasured little patients get all of the help that they need and have them healthy and happy! Then I can burry them up to thier shoulders and run thier heads over with a lawn mower knowing full well that this scientific data isn't tainted by some genetic travesty of nature ... Thank you Crow Pharmaceuticals! ... Signed ... The Late Jeffrey Dahmer

• I never knew it was so easy to kill things that aren't dying to begin with. It really does make my life work seem rather pointless. I can now cure the non suffering the safe legal and effective way by curing them first and then killing them by injecting 10 times thier body weight dire ... huh? ... Oh it's for rats? ... Never mind ... I'm sure it's great. ... Signed ... Dr Jack Kevorkian

• I spit on your medicine! You can't make me take it!! Die Infidel! Oh it cures things that you can then kill? ... Oh I am in ... have it shipped to my palace immediately! Ok fine have it shipped here, until I get out. ... Signed ... Saddam Hussein

• What do you mean I have to take this here pill? ... Signed ... The REALLY Stupid Dixie Chick who does the singin'

Don't miss out on the latest craze in Rat Cancer curing technology. Order RatDeCan® today ;8o)

I guess realistically I am crabby. Truth be told, I have been trying to write for weeks now, but the combination of writers block and the fact that I can get half way through writing something and my computer locks up doesn't help either. I actually wrote half of another blog today before my computer locked up tight on me that was basically about Anti Semitism and how it is tolerated by the mainstream media in this country, unless you are a practicing catholic {aka Mel Gibson} then you are evil, which in turn was to prove some elaborate scheme about how the media will always hate Christians ahead of Jews, but Jews are the easy kill at the moment. Needless to say it flew away into the cybernether and I changed my mind on that one and have decided to get even more polarizing, because I can.

Let's talk about the city of New Orleans. We have just passed the one year anniversary and I am hearing all of the wonderful punditry on television and the wonderful slave master who runs that city blaming the president again for the whole ordeal and I have decided to take the blame off of the poor man and focus it squarely on a janitor in New Hampshire who has just as little to do with the ills of New Orleans as the President, but since nobody with a dog in this fight lives in the real world anyway ... Why not? You see, whether you believe in Creationism or Evolution there is a common element to blame on both of these aspects of how we got here and why. New Orleans before the hurricane was a big sewer where about 40% of the city didn't work, or if they did it was under the table while they were sucking at the public nipple. A large amount of the people in the city remained simply to loot the houses after the evacuation, prompting the governor to send in the national guard, and this in turn will bring forth the whole "Wrath of God" and "Noah in the boat" angle to the whole thing, but I actually believe that it goes farther than that. By spending several decades electing public officials that do nothing more than inspire racial inequality and "race bait" while stealing just about every public fund they can get thier hands on they in turn had become the "mostly black" but "always democrat" slave masters to the entire utopian welfare state that New Orleans had become. We heard about all of the crippling poverty and racial inequality {I had heard that New Orleans was easily 80% black and 20% other by the time the hurricane hit} but rarely did we hear about how it was until it could be used for political gain.

More Army Corp of engineering dollars were spent on Louisiana than any other state in the decade leading up to the hurricane {and keep in mind it is not even close to being in the top 5 states based on population} which was all earmarked for "The Levy" which never saw a dollar of it as the black "Slave Masters" like William Jefferson were using the money to bribe or be bribed by others. "America's Mayor" Ray Nagin has openly called for New Orleans to be a "Chocolate City" and for what gain? The only thing that has ever gone on in New Orleans is Mardi Gras, gambling, corruption, racism, murder, and striking poverty but not one thing has been done while left in the hands of these people except the constant reminder that they are mostly black, mostly poor, and everyone else owes them for it. The average God fearing whacko can point to these wonderful examples of humanity, charity, greed and reverse racism and say all kinds of things about how it is a failure, and debauchery will bring the floods and everyone in this world can cry about how they are evil for pointing these things out, but not one thing has been done to prove them wrong. As a matter of fact the very people of New Orleans for which the sanctimonious right speak so ill of have done nothing but prove them right from the very day that that hurricane hit, and that is a "shame on them" moment and NOT the problem of the rest of the country. If you want a pertinent example of this then try to donate a Television set or a Computer to the Salvation Army or Goodwill, or any other organization that accepts these things in the state of Louisiana. The fact of the matter is that you can't. People got thier government hand outs for being a Katrina survivor and went out and bought "Wide Screen" TV's and brand new computers and donated thier old ones because they don't have room in thier little apartments that YOU have been paying for for the last year to hold both! These organizations will not accept ones that are broken so why did the poor, starving, and disheveled of New Orleans need new ones? Shame on all of you for playing this game, but thank God you don't live in Houston where the murder rate {surprisingly like New Orleans} has shot through the roof over the last year.

For those of you that hate God I shall take the Darwin approach {If you also hate Darwin, then you are truly hopeless anyway} which would promote the process of natural selection, and the belief that all things evolve. Unfortunately both of these theories were totally trashed by the city of New Orleans. Throughout history the plight of man has been to migrate. When a volcano erupts at the top of the mountain you live under, you pack up your shit and move to the "new" city. We have all had a good laugh about that crazy bastard that lived on the side of Mount St Helens who died when that thing went off. "What a stupid fucker" we all say when he gets brought up, but when your town has slipped below the flood lines, you simply don't have a city anymore, and it's pretty simple, you move. New Orleans happens to be UNDER sea level and surrounded by a LOT of water. I have very unabashedly been a supporter of NOT rebuilding New Orleans purely based on the fact that IT ISN'T A VIABLE CITY! Natural selection comes into play here as the city WILL get demolished each and every time that a hurricane of a category 3 or higher comes blowing through. At this point 70 or so years ago when it happened the last time the city was totally devastated, rebuilt against common logic and {repeat after me} DEMOCRATS stole all of the money that was sent there to build a protection barrier around a city that nobody but the French would have built to begin with and then boom ... it happens again. The way I smoke and eat red meat, I shouldn't be here to tell the people of New Orleans "I told you so" after another 70 years of blinding poverty and oppression from the people who supposedly are there to help but in reality are creating an undereducated slave state, so that generations that follow can be lambs to the slaughter of "Blame another President" ;8o)