Monday, May 29, 2006

Superdaddyman Takes on The Mother of All The Evils's - Volume 2

It’s a brave new day for the world’s greatest superhero as he takes his show on the road in the Superdaddymobile. Yes, it is I, the Superdaddyman, defender of the Evils’s, the pervader of the beautiful young maidens throughout the downtown area, and the last line of defense against the dreaded Pink Mafia! We are off for many of the essentials that any good crime fighter should want to have on hand for fighting The Terrorist Organization Known as The Evils’s {TOKE} and the evil Mophaka Al Queholic {MAQ} and to do that we must go to the special place, the Superdaddycave away from Superdaddycave, a wonderful little place I personally call Wal-Mart.

You see, it isn’t a very good paying job defending the world from the evil TOKE operatives that plague the fair city of Megalopolis, and don’t even go there on what it pays to infiltrate the ranks of King George the Blind and the Pink Mafia. Our friends at the friendly neighborhood Wal-Mart at least make it somewhat tolerable. The hard part is having to look the fair maiden behind the scanner doohickey {techno speak for a money eating thingamabob} as she scans the big ass box of tampons, the economy size thing of lice treatment, the humongous size thing of beef jerky, and of course the carton of swisher sweets. Oh my Gawd, what’s with the Superdaddyman theme song being played on a banjo? Needless to say the Superdaddyman is quite tired since the Evils’s have had to be refrained from seeing the dreaded Mother of All The Evils’s! {MOA … T … Oh Fuck it … codenamed … “That Woman!”}

Now mind you several different judges have sat query to this diabolical Harpy’s attempts to corrupted TOKE, and they have all said No Way Jose {techno speak for “Are You Nuts Woman, You Can’t Take care of a Puppy!”} but the Superdaddyman being of kinder heart {and desperately in need of breaks from defending the Evils’s} has always managed to find a way to get the Evils’s to see The Whicked Bitch of the East … Oops … That Woman despite the fact that she has no drivers license, no job, no home, no morals, and no parental instincts what so ever, and at great work and effort on his part. It was always repaid in spades through no child support, bad influences, and usually someone dangerous that she has decided to sleep with this week. It went to far last month, and finally had to be cut off completely though, as we finally realized that the little enemy invaders that the Evils’s had been recruiting and sneaking into the Superdaddycave in their hair were given to them by HER every two weeks.

For those of you that don’t hang out in Whitetrashland with the Superdaddyman and the Evils’s these little enemy invaders are very expensive to deal with every two weeks like clockwork, so when Superdaddyman finally had to confront his arch nemesis on this issue the retaliation of “Nut uh” was not taken too well at all. As a matter of fact it was not TAKEN at all, and Superdaddyman has been forced to cease all contact between the Evils’s and the Bitch … Oops … That Woman, which has resulted in not having any enemy invaders for over a month now well until the Superdaddyman discovered enemy invaders all over Lazius Boycrazius’s head this week. Superdaddyman of course used his keen powers of perception to inquire “So is there something you want to tell me?”

Heaven forbid that a woman who has been told by 4 judges that she is rotten and can’t be trusted with her own children, to actually accept that. Heaven forbid that she act like a mother and improve or get better after losing her children 4 years ago, or at the very least change a bit. No, of course not, as we all know that the better solution is to commit an actual crime by sneaking out to see your daughter on school property to which 2 other judges told her she was banned. None of the afore mentioned things were ever asked for by the Superdaddyman mind you. She would go to court, ask for a trial, get Superdaddyman dragged out of work and then tell the judge that she should have the Evils’s and the judge after listening to her for about a half hour talk about how she finally got rid of that last boyfriend because he was running a meth lab or selling fire arms would take away more of her parental rights without the Superdaddyman saying anything. The school finally pressed charges against her for trespassing because other parents were complaining. Yes she’s that evil and diabolical!

So now that I have you all on the edge of your seats wondering what the wonderful thing was that forced That Woman to violate the law yet again? You are probably pondering what motherly bit of dealings she has that forces her to reach out to see her children like any mother would want to? Your thoughts of such must have strayed wildly as the poor misunderstood diabolical genius that had managed to yet again spread enemy invaders throughout the Superdaddycave forcing the Superdaddyman to spend money he doesn’t have to combat them! … She wanted to show her the new tattoo she got of her boyfriend’s last name, but didn’t have time to stick around and hear about how Lazius Boycrazius just tied the state record for home runs in softball. I think the Superdaddyman can find a little extra cash to pick her up an ice cream on the way home ;8o)

Have a question you want answered? Feel free to ask this sicko! Post any question you want Jeremy Crow to answer in the comments section of this blog and he will answer it totally honestly and to the best of his ability A.S.A.P. {One Question & One Answer per Blog, and no answers will be given to things that will harm others!}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. JC~

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes ... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} Mental Notes - TagWorld Edition {Whenever} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

All writings Copyright © 2006 Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest

 

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

God Bless The Idiots - Volume 7

Disclaimer – What you are about to read will be offensive to some and for that I apologize to a point, but it is my opinion on a few issues, and unfortunately for many it is also something known as the truth. You see, the truth can be one of those things that the average person that has the freedom to actually read what I am about to write, also has the right to disagree with, but it doesn’t change the fact that it is the truth none the less. If you are easily offended by things that are truthful in nature I would suggest that you stop reading at this point and go back to watching American Idol, or keeping in tune with your favorite sports team or whatever. This is your only warning and from here on out you are only abusing yourself by reading any further and crying to you’re your friends, Google, or even your mommy is not going to change the fact that you asked for this … Thank you for your understanding … The Crow

I have come to the conclusion that I am the only non racist, non bigot, non homophobe left on the planet and I just can’t sit in silence over these issues anymore. I stopped blogging for a period of time because I was getting so political that I couldn’t even tolerate the shit I was writing anymore, and the fun had disappeared. It’s also important to note that sometimes life isn’t fun, or funny, or even acceptable to most, and acceptability is what I decided to sit down and write about today before I lost my mind completely. I watched 50 racists at Boston College make asses out of themselves lately, and entire generations of useless reporters, who are trained to spread hate speech treat them like they were modern day Rosa Park’s when in reality they were nothing more than 50 future Adolf Hitler’s with half his brain. I am a huge fan of descent as a matter of fact, but I am not a huge fan of indoctrination, as I prefer to leave that sort of thing to the dictators who control the United Nations, and will always speak out against it in this country.

Condoleezza Rice spoke at the Boston College graduation yesterday and a whole pile of this country’s finest examples of liberal idiocy, and the kool aid drinkers that believed everything that the pathetic faculty taught them when they should have been teaching job skills instead staged a nice little protest against her because of her policy on the war in Iraq. It’s un-christian as they put it, and that opinion I am quite ok with actually, the problem is that the same faculty that thinks her opinions on liberating Iraq were all huggy and kissy with Queen Nor of Jordan when she spoke at BC. This being a woman who renounced Christianity, in the name of becoming a Muslim and preaching the extermination of Jews and Christians all across the world. The same people who applauded Bill Richardson who held the exact same policy when it came to bombing Serbia back to the stone age when they were dealing with their own civil war with the Albanians that invaded Kosovo, and then started slaughtering Serbians. It’s all a crock of shit, and I am just saddened that it’s considered a great deed to turn your back on the Secretary of State like they did when in reality it was a case of racism, and nobody has the balls to say that.

Condoleezza Rice is a well educated black woman who was raised conservative by her parents who were raised the same way by their parents who came from the deep south and became republicans because they weren’t allowed to become democrats just like all black people at that time. She is the third generation of conservative republican that worked hard and never asked for a hand out, and she is the pride of her family. Her grandfather in particular who became a minister because they would pay for his college, and became a republican when the republican party not only let him vote {which as I had told you the town hall run by the democrats wouldn’t let him register} but actively sought him out and told him that it was his right and they were going to defend it. Here she is, the most powerful black woman in American history, and no hand out ever got her there. She is an accomplished pianist, and her dream is to be the NFL commissioner, and she has never wavered on anything she has ever done. This is the VERY REASON that she is so hated, and you know what? That’s tough shit, because while these 50 students and a pile of faculty whine about the past digressions of white America on the black people, she not only showed that it IS a thing of the past, but she was part of the administration that freed 25 million slaves across the world. To hate her because she is a traitor to her race, when she is a credit to it makes you a racist, period!

Now on to what really pissed me off, and that is the DaVinci code that is huge right now. It’s not a bad book really, but it sparks a rather interesting thing in my mind that I am sick of these days, and that is Christian hate. We are being taught at every level now that Christians are bad people who judge and hate, and should be abolished, but to believe that makes you an idiot, and I have facts to back that up now. There is a movie in the movie theatres right now that is telling all of the Christian people that their God {and yes for all of you tragically uneducated Jesus is God to Christians} is a big sham and that the Catholic church is covering this up. There are a lot of Christians openly upset, there are a lot that are quietly upset, and there are those like me that look at it and go, “blah it’s fiction, by a guy who is serving the lowest common denominator … Christian bigots” but the one thing you don’t see is all of these hateful angry Christians running around being violent, or actually trying to get hate crimes legislation, or anything else. Christians are far too tolerant, and will never get the credit for it. It’s life and I am sorry.

Let’s take a different scenario and say that this was about a certain Islamic profit, and it strayed from the Curran in the minutest of ways, let’s just picture in your mind the mindless chaos that would be filling half of the world right now. There would be threats of death, things would blow up, and a lot of people would die. The same people who are sitting in the theatre saying to themselves, “I knew those Catholics were bad,” would be out there lauding the decision to make such an offensive hateful movie about the religion of peace, and not ONE person in the entire Islamic world would denounce the actions of all of the vicious animals in the name of Allah creating such chaos. NOT ONE, unless you gave that person the opportunity to say a pile of hateful things about everyone else first, then at the very end might say, “but I don’t condone violence”. Contrast that to member of the KKK going out and rousting a black man in the name of what they call Christianity, and you would have about 95% of the Christian world calling for the death of whomever did it, and hell I’d kill the fuckers myself! It’s amazing the racism that passes for “truth” in this world today.

I have had enough of the whole bullshit argument about it all, I had actually started turning on our president until this week when I realized that he does a lot of stupid things, and it might be because he is stupid, but there are millions of people in this country who do stupid things because they are ignorant, and a million more who do stupid things purely on purpose. From this day forward nobody is allowed to speak ill of things around me until they can prove that they are intelligent enough to do so. My first question to the idiots that trash the war {because I am sick of hearing about how men and women are dying for a mistake and a lie} came from the same guy at work who schooled me on the history of Condoleezza Rice {and yes he happens to be a black man}, when one of the uneducated there started giving him a hard time about the war that his son is off fighting right now “So you believe that the people over there deserve to be slaves?” and he was right, because that is unfortunately the answer to the opposition to it all. You don’t have to like the war, but stop being so totally ignorant to the results. He added to it something that I can’t though, but have heard the stories from friends who are either over there or come back and went back willingly, and that is “He’s proud of what he is doing, and so am I,” ;8o)

Have a question you want answered? Feel free to ask this sicko! Post any question you want Jeremy Crow to answer in the comments section of this blog and he will answer it totally honestly and to the best of his ability A.S.A.P. {One Question & One Answer per Blog, and no answers will be given to things that will harm others!}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. JC~

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes ... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} Mental Notes - TagWorld Edition {Whenever} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

All writings Copyright © 2006 Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest

 

Saturday, May 20, 2006

The Slammer – Chapter 1.9 - You've Been Slammed.

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The Slammer – An Ever Growing Web Novel – Chapter 1.9

“Jay’s sinker has been on, but this last inning is going to be rough Skip,” Lily says to her manager as she heads out to the diamond. Lily had noted that the fast balls are still working, but the best batters in triple A are on that other team, and they have figured out the timing on the fastball now. It’s the first time that Jay has ever given up six hits in a game, but still the score is two to one for the good guys, and he only needs three more outs. Along this path of today’s game she has done her best to guide Jay to the end but it’s getting a lot harder.

As she finally squats behind the plate the catcher for the other team approaches the plate waving his bat and checking for nicks. She finally gets up the nerve to ask him, what she had been dying to since the first inning started, “What did you say to my brother when he was at the plate a couple of innings ago?”

He starts laughing instantly like he was sorting through some old jokes in his mind and says to her, “I wish I hadn’t, but I told him that I went to the Chili’s down the street and they had a life sized Ty Cobb statue that you can get your picture taken with, and that you would take him there for dinner if he went to first base. I actually over heard you yelling at him when he wouldn’t pitch,” and after he takes up a couple of warning swings, he then says to her, “My mom is a really huge fan of you two, and I want to see you get to the big club as badly as anyone. I know what it is like to have those dreams, but I’ve always had it pretty easy.”

Lily smiles as she’s crouched down behind the plate and then giggles before she says, “That doesn’t mean he isn’t going to strike your ass out, but thank you,” as the first pitch echoes through the stadium after exploding into Lily’s mitt. She throws the ball back and asks quite frankly, “Have you heard anything about your return to the show?”

Holding his face perfectly still to gauge the next pitch that screams in just off the outside corner of the plate for a very rare “ball” he then turns his head a bit and says, “We may be the best triple A team in baseball but linked onto the worst major league team, my .412 average will get me there in a few weeks, don’t worry about it. Rule number one in baseball, take care of you …” barely leaves his lips as the bat races around and cracks the ball with such force that it floats out into the field between the center fielder and right fielder. Lily looks out at second base where her brother’s savior is waving back at her and then tips his cap.

As the pinch hitter for the other team flails weakly at three screaming fastballs, the crowd laughs at the obvious. The pitcher may not be the greatest hitter in the world, but at least he had had an opportunity to deal with the speed of these pitches, and sending out a cold pinch hitter was just silly, but the game is on the line now, and most managers do what they do out of experience. The next batter on the other hand had faced Jay four times today and looked equally as silly, and he used to be a .398 hitter. He will be going down today after his fourth strike out. The hitter that Lily had hoped wasn’t going to make it back around until the catcher spoiled that with his double is walking towards the batters box now. Big Jake Clark, the man who has yet to hit less than forty home runs in a year, and has yet to be sat down by Jay leers out at the mound to the emotionless pitcher standing out there. His three doubles are the most ominous part of the day, and Lily is practically having a full bore panic attack trying to figure out what to do.

“Hey, there cutie, did ya miss me?” Jake says to Lily as he steps into the batters box. Don’t get to angry people, because Lily didn’t it was said rather lightheartedly actually, and although Lily did make an obscene gesture at him, it kind made both of them a little more at ease. Jay is facing his biggest challenge while Jake is still trying to hold onto the reputation of being one of the best hitters known, so there is actually more pressure on him then you would imagine despite his ease of getting to Jay.

Lily looks out at Jay, with concern, but not too much as she figures that he really doesn’t even seem to know what is going on. He just throws the ball because that is what he does, and nobody really knows if he even cares about strikes, balls, hits, or outs. This is how she has always viewed him although she is rather excited to think that she might get to go to Chili’s tonight for dinner instead of Applebee’s, but still this is the next big step for him, and as always she really does only think of him if he doesn’t appear too himself. With that she takes her hand and places it between her legs to show two fingers and she points them inward toward her right thigh. This is the usual signal for a sinker ball in, and to her shock she sees her brother shaking his head at her.

“What the fuck!” Lily yells out at the mound, totally out of frustration rather than the jubilation she should have at his very first sign of self will on the mound. She then realizes that she finally has to act like any other catcher in the league and deal with being brushed off, so she holds three fingers down and starts wiggles them around. This is the sign for a slurve, which will simply go where it goes because he doesn’t have the pinpoint control of it that he does the fast ball, and after another shake off Lily yells out “Time!” and the umpire grants it.

The growing stress of the day is getting to Lily really badly. Now obviously as her patience for Jay is waning, she’s jawing at him the whole long walk to the mound. “You pick now to give a shit about what you are doing!” she walks closer with her arms outstretched and starts in again, “What the fuck do you want me to throw Jay? It’s not like you are going to tell me! All day today you are doing what you want, and when do I get to do what I fucking want? Because what I fucking want is to get this game over with!” and with that she stands there tapping her foot at him with her hands on her hips.

“Mom hated it when you swore Lily, you really shouldn’t swear,” Jay said to her after he put his glove back to his chest like he was ready to throw the ball. Lily throws her hands up in the air and walks back to the plate, to squat down once more and to hopefully await her brother’s agreement, this time as she holds down one finger strait to the ground. It’s time he learned what it is like to lose a baseball game, was all that she could think as she gave the fastball, down the middle sign.

The crowd goes totally silent as they wait for what is about to happen. Jay as always points the bill of his hat downward towards his feet. The slow withdrawing that his entire body encompassing before his arms outstretch the usual, nearly seven feet to reveal the gloved hand pointing toward the enemy. This enemy, unlike the last feels no intimidation by the mighty Jay Franklin as his body recoils inward launching the missile toward the fearless foe awaiting his best at the end of the path. The searing sound of the ball is met by the whirring sound of a bat that has been taken from its position atop the enemies shoulder, and is careening towards its place of destiny, and with that it finally ignites with the missile that has been sent to destroy it, and destroy it is exactly what it does.

The shattering bat splinters into what could have been a million pieces as the ball goes flying well over six hundred feet. Unfortunately for the enemy at hand it flies well over ten feet right of the pole that signifies the foul grounds of McCoy stadium, and is immediately called a six hundred foot towering strike, by the umpire. The curses that Lily had used at Jay were nothing compared to the trail of obscenity passing past the lips of Jake as his favorite bat that had been his trusted friend for over five years is so beyond repair. The bat boys of both teams are running around furiously trying to clean it up, but it’s very difficult when there are at the very least thousands of little splinters that used to be a twenty four ounce baseball bat. Lily looks at the mound and spy’s her brother laughing, and she finally takes note that she is starting to see some new things in her brother and wasn’t appreciating it like she should have, had life not gotten in the way with work at the moment. A smile crosses Lily’s lips as she finds herself feeling very proud of her brother’s way of taking Jakes pride away from him in front of twenty thousand people. Maybe he does get it after all, she thinks.

Upon Jakes return with his new bat, he doesn’t appear to be all jovial now, and rather obsessed looking and angry. Jay may have woken up an angry monster or totally taken Jake out of this game. This is still yet to be determined as she simply holds down the one finger that she knows her brother wants now, in which he reciprocates with a one hundred and four mile per hour fast ball that Jake missed quite frantically, but it was probably because he swung too early. Lily’s heart is just pounding inside of her throat now as she simply holds down one finger.

The usual motions followed by a searing fastball met by the new bat of Jake produced another six hundred, maybe seven hundred foot blast wide left this time of the foul pole. The count is still zero and two, and Lily is starting to wonder if her heart can take it anymore. She holds down one finger again, and watches her brother as his head starts moving back and forth as he is shaking her off yet again. “Thank GOD” she thought to herself, because he wasn’t going to get away with that forever. Jay then holds up the ball, and she looks back at him curiously, probably because this is just way too much interaction with her brother for one day, but she thinks that she understands the motion that he is making toward her. With that she balls her hand into a fist and punches the ground, and for the first time ever in a baseball game Jay nods at her with a smile on his face.

The visor of Jay’s hat then cocks itself down, as his hand clutches at the ball inside of his glove. The absolute silence of the crowd, followed by the mighty God Thor, about to outstretch the wings of the Gods once more, creates the longest three seconds known to mankind. As the leg rises, you can feel the tension in the place as Jake clutches at his bat. The violent motions of Jays body as it recoils back before launching forward, to give Jake the very thing that he least expected, look no different until the balls release. What Jake see’s to his sheer terror is the baseball flying strait from Jay’s hand and right at his face. His immediate need to get out of the way is immense, and as he jumps back, he then watches the ball simply fall downward and in, as if it was being pulled by an invisible rope. As it gently cascades into Lily’s mitt which had never once left the dead center spot of the plate, Jake is actually staring at Jay in awe, as the umpires screaming of, “Steeeeeeeeeriiiiiiiiiiiiike!” sends the crowd into absolute hysterics. The crowd had just witnessed greatness as their new mighty hero had now, finally taken down the evil intruder from the west.

Lily jumps to her feet and throws off her catchers mask as she leaps up into the air. If she had only realized that this was the first time she too had ever shown an actual jubilant emotion in a baseball game, then that too would be a miracle. The best part was before trotting off to the dugout to celebrate the victory, she tosses the ball to Jake, who is still standing there dumbfounded, and yells out to him as he catches the ball, “That’s a souvenir buddy, you’ve just been slammed!”… to be continued

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

All writings Copyright © 2007

 

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

The Slammer – Chapter 1.8 - The AAA Doldrums

Want More Free Art? ...Visit the new angelis deZines on the web at www.jeremycrow4life.com/angelisdezines

The Slammer – An Ever Growing Web Novel – Chapter 1.8

Lily walks away from the plate with her bat on her shoulder for the second time today, as she is now the opposite of what she was in double A. That pitcher on the mound, had found the hole in her swing and is exploiting it to the fullest extent, and she just can’t hit that outside splitter to save her soul. “I just wish I could lay off of those Skip, sorry about that,” she says to Bill on her way by him in the dugout to which he instinctively gives her a pat on the behind and then looks at her in shock. Lily being who she is, takes a step back and looks at him saying, “Come on now Skip, you hit like a girl,” and then one of the usual winks that she simply does.

Grabbing her gear, she walks down to the end of the bench where her brother is sitting staring into the field, but not at anything in particular, and she states to him, “There catching up to you Jay, I hope you can get that sinker going, because you are going to need some of those painful ground balls that keep them honest,” and then starts putting on her gear. Jay was still pitching a gem, but the two hits he gave up were missiles, that ended up being doubles. With the score still resting at zero zero, you don’t actually want to be giving up doubles, but even the greatest pitchers did that, because blazing heat meeting good bat speed will usually hit the ball farther. Once Lily has all of her gear into place she stands up to walk up to the steps and look out at the field. The rest of the team still isn’t talking to the two of them, and it is getting rather lonely in the dugout when your own brother won’t either.

“Come on Jay, you’re up again,” yells skip from the end of the dugout, and Lily nudges her brother by handing him the bat. The second it touches his hands he grabs it and walks toward the end of the dugout. Around a baseball field he is all instincts. It was back when his father was trying to reach out to him at the age of four that he realized that baseballs and baseball equipment were the only thing that would animate his son, and like any good father he grabbed onto that, if only to try to be a dad. Many hours were spent in the backyard playing baseball, and when Lily was finally curious enough to swing a bat, she did too, in the attempt that all little girls do to be with her daddy, and now as Jay is walking toward the batters box, with two men on and two outs in the inning the team starts to gather it’s things to go back into the field. After seeing Jay’s first two plate appearances where he was either really late for the last pitch, or only kinda early for the next one, the conclusion to this plate appearance was foregone anyway.

You would have thought by now though that Lily would have noticed that when Jay stands at the plate he mimics his sisters batting stance almost identically. His stance is open, he crowds the plate, and the head of the bat points upwards a bit, as does hers. This is not the way that their father taught either of them and at the very least it is a missed opportunity for Lily to see another point that her brother pays attention to her. The pitcher stares in on the plate and smirks, at the opportunity to feast on such an easy out. As he gets into his wind up, you can almost sense that he wants to get a little showy in the way that his delivery gets so profound and dramatic, almost like he is picking on the very man standing in the batters box. A rather good pitcher in his own right, he is still staring at a God with a lightning bolt, and he a mere boy with a stone in a sling. As he lets loose the pitch, he immediately realizes his own stupidity as the thing totally sails over the head of the catcher and to the backstop. The two runners on base practically trot to the next bases, in their own attempt to show up the pitcher as he thought he was all that.

After the team’s catcher shoots a dirty look back at his pitcher, he gets the calm down sign back, as the pitcher motions his hands to the ground. Lily sitting in the dugout was just impressed that Jay didn’t swing at that pitch sailing three feet over his head and about four feet wide of him. The pitcher again takes his signal, but has decided to dispense with the showplace wind up and get to the matter at hand, and pitch this guy out before he costs his team a run. The next wild pitch is going to bring Sherman Greely, or as they call him in Pawtucket “Flash” 90 feet in about four seconds. As he brings himself from the stretch, trying to keep Sherman as close to third base as possible, his arm movement struggles a bit on his delivery and the ball sails in a bit on Jay, and grazes his uniform.

“Take your BASE!” the umpire yells while looking at Jay, who is still staring at the pitcher. Lily looks on in terror from the dugout, as she has never seen him have to go to first base before. He still stands there in his stance waiting for another pitch when the umpire yells out, “Are you deaf kid? Go to first base you were hit!” but again Jay doesn’t move at all. Lily’s horror from the dugout increases as she starts for the steps.

“You can’t go out there Lily,” says an equally confused Skip who looks at her for some sort of instruction, because he has to get out there really quick before Jay gets called out for holding up the game, but Lily has that look of frustration on her face as she is now forced to think up something really quickly, and her mind is full of other things.

“I don’t know Skip, I guess you could try to ask him to go to first?” she says in a confused voice, and the two of them look out to the field to see the catcher for the other team stand up and put his hand on Jay’s back and say something to him, and the second he is done Jay starts trotting off towards first base tossing his bat towards the dugout, as the crowd cheers through what was ever growing laughter. The look of relief on Lily’s face was only momentary as she is now concerned with what he will do now that he is on first base. It’s always an adventure and an ulcer when you are the older sister of Jay Franklin.

The interesting thing that occurs here is that Lily notices immediately that Jay appears to be paying attention. He starts taking a bit of a lead off first and stares at the pitcher while he is doing it. After the pitchers first warning throw over to first Jay did jump back onto the base like he should, and in plenty of time to beat the throw. She starts to look on in a new found curiosity as her brother shows off a new trick, kinda like a proud parent, but still with that concern that a parent would usually have as well of him falling down and scraping his knee. Jay keeps her heart pumping by taking an even bigger lead now, with the same results, a throw over and him barely beating the tag back this time. Lily is looking on with great pride though, despite her anxiety over it. The crowd is kind of enjoying the game of cat and mouse from their new pitcher too, since really all they had been seeing up until this point is a machine that produced strikes with no animation at all.

The pitcher on the mound is starting to get a little anxious himself, as his tension translates into another poorly thrown pitch that hits the ground before it even gets to the plate. He now stabs at the ball out of the air as it gets thrown back to him. Staring over at the man, with the lead that is far too big, over at first base, with a craven form of anger, that is stealing the game out of his hands. Without thinking at all he fires the ball at the first baseman who, had he been able to catch it, would have had Jay out by a mile, but since it went sailing between his legs and into the dugout, has two runs put on the board, and Jay Franklin standing on third base, and the crowd in absolute insanity as they cheer on their new hero … to be continued

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

All writings Copyright © 2007

 

Friday, May 12, 2006

The Slammer – Chapter 1.7 - Look Who's coming For Baseball

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The Slammer – An Ever Growing Web Novel – Chapter 1.7

The players in the clubhouse of McCoy stadium are looking at Lily and Jay a lot more leery then they had been used to in their other venues as they walk in the door. The air is almost icy cold, and Lily does make a mental note that her brother’s vacant stare might appear to be more put-offish than normal. The average hello’s and “how are you” niceties that they had gotten back in Portland are not there this time, but who can blame them as most of these players are journeymen who will never see the major leagues, and the rest are kids who have been trapped here for several years waiting for their break. It didn’t take a genius to realize that these two are climbing the ranks way too fast to be sitting here in Pawtucket Rhode Island for too long.

The manager of the team is the first to greet them and he simply goes strait to Lily as he looks a little uneasily at Jay, which alerts her right off that he has been alerted to the situation. He takes a long look at Jay and then asks Lily, “Does he know how to hit the baseball?” which sets Lily aback a bit. As she gives him a curious nod with a raised eyebrow, before he adds, “I’m sorry, we are playing a rare game against a western club, so the pitchers have to bat tonight, I didn’t mean anything by it, if he … err …”

“I understand, if he doesn’t comprehend batting, and yes it is a perfectly acceptable question sir …” the look of absolute pain that crossed Bill Locklier’s face as she called him sir, made her stop dead in her tracks, and smile before she asks him, “Do you prefer Bill, or coach to sir?”

“I prefer Skip, but that comes from watching to much Gilligan’s Island,” and he clears his throat before continuing, “I just wanted to know because I would have held him back a night if it was too much trouble. I’ve heard about his pitching and you’re hitting, is his hitting anything worth talking about?”

“Well he has done it, and he doesn’t make a stink about it, but he hasn’t got a clue of how to get the bat on the ball. He’s never actually had a hit, so I don’t even know if he’d know to run to first if he did, but just getting him up there to strike out is easy enough, and he will walk back to the dugout after he does. Actually come to remember it, he walked once when the other pitcher was too bad to get anyone out, and he did go to first,” she looked collected in thought for a moment before she added, “The next batter popped out, so nothing happened from there.”

“Well by the sounds of things his pitching eliminates the need for him to be on base anyway. Well let me get you kids to your lockers, which are in the corner over here, so that you can have a little more privacy then what is normal anyway,” and with that he starts walking toward the corner where Lily starts to follow. Jay on the other hand doesn’t follow as he is staring at the wall. Lily is forced to grab him and start dragging him with her.

“The crowd tonight is all a stir as the first woman to ever play in the triple A level baseball is here tonight with your PawSox ladies and gentleman. Coming fresh off of her last game, where coincidentally she hit the game winning home run off of one of the hottest prospects in the Blue Jays organization …” the announcer at this point was drowned out by the boo birds before you finally could hear, “… brother who pitched a no hitter and would have actually had a perfect game had he not retaliated against the other teams catcher for calling the hit sign against his sister.”

Down along the dugout the players watched out towards the bullpen for their pitcher to come out with his sister the catcher. These guys over the last several hours started figuring out rather quickly that something was very different about that pitcher of theirs, but they all were quite curious to hear if the rumors about his arm were true. The papers in Portland had already dubbed him “The Weapon” after just one game, and that is pretty high praise considering that everyone here three states away were already chanting it as the bullpen door opens, and out walks Jay. Walking beside him is Lily, without her mask on, and you could here some of the sniggers from the crowd, because it’s hard enough to accept a woman into what some people consider male positions, but the first actual hint to the crowd that this was a beautiful woman, made people gawk a bit.

Past the outfielders they walk with no good luck, no anything, through the infield without so much as a glance Lily finally slides her helmet and her mask over her face. The look of disgust on her face as she had been jawing at him the whole way in from the bullpen was interesting to say the least. She squats down behind the plate to get the first of his warm up throws and stares at Jay before she places her hand between her leg guards and holds one finger strait down. Jay simply looks at her with no change in his expression and no gesture to move at all. Again she holds one finger down, and Jay doesn’t respond, as he just stands there.

The rest of the team starts making noises from the dugout as they are trying to figure out what the hold up is, and Lily’s aggravation from behind the plate is mounting. She finally holds up her middle finger at him and yells out, “Do you see it now? Throw the damn ball Jay!” and the crowd starts gesturing and sniggering even louder, but what they hadn’t seen was Jay refuse to throw the ball for the last half hour he was supposed to be warming up as well, and now it has become a lot worse of a situation because the batter is walking towards the plate and Jay is stone cold, in more ways then one.

The first batter for the Salt Lake franchise looked down at Lily and smiled as he said, “That homer you hit was gorgeous, our manager showed it to us a dozen times this week, good luck in the big leagues,” which was a very sweet gesture all things considered and Lily who was starting to get rather frazzled by her whole triple A experience called time out, and headed out to the mound.

As she approached the mound her brother stood there not noticing her coming at all, and she walked right up to him and smacked him hard on the ass, which again drew attention from the whole crowd that was right on the verge of turning on the two of them as fast as they had run out to get their tickets to watch them, but Lily’s voice with a little disdain said to her brother, “That guy just told me that the Applebee’s here has more baseballs in the ceiling, and a jersey of Ted Williams,” and with that she walked away toward the plate, not knowing if what she said had done anything, for Jay as always made no gesture whatsoever. When she got back to the plate she looked at the batter and said, “Thanks, I watched you last year when you played for the Rangers, I hope that the Rockies are smart enough to call you up,” and she squatted down behind the plate again.

She carefully placed her hand down between her pads once more. The hand trembling she manages to get her index finger pointed strait down, and set her glove to the dead center of the strike zone. The crowd grows silent in anticipation of what might happen. Jay’s body still, with his hands to the sides staring back at Lily, until he brings his glove up to the location pressed to his chest, right hand gripped firmly on the ball, brim of his cap pointed down. Again as his arm cocks back to show the grace of a Greek statue at the Pantheon, the arms extend out as far as they could muster. Glove pointing down in front of him and the fans all cue their eyes in as the ball in his right hand for a second is haloed in the sun outstretched far behind him. The left leg rises to form the fulcrum of the devastating catapult that is about to bring down the walls of Athens before the violent recoiling that the crowd had anticipated while the ball made that hissing sound that only Jay Franklin could make them do. In the instant that the explosion of leather baseball hitting well oiled leather glove erupts, the crowd goes mental, when the umpire throws up his hand and yells “Steeeeeeriiiiiiike!”

The batter who stand there looking back in bewilderment as he couldn’t believe that the ball had even been legitimately thrown, is probably the first to look up at the scoreboard that reads one, one, zero, in that order right under the sign that says “MPH”, and the only reaction that he has is to turn around and say “Whoa!” at Lily who winks back at him as he shakes his head realizing that this is the start of a very long day for him and his teammates … to be continued

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

All writings Copyright © 2007

 

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

The Slammer – Chapter 1.6 - Well I'm Just a Girl You See

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The Slammer – An Ever Growing Web Novel – Chapter 1.6

The front page, not the back page where the sports section starts mind you, but the front page of The Portland Press Herald the next morning has a huge photo of the two Franklins that won the game the day before for the Sea Dogs. The face of the man who pitched a no hitter, which would have been a perfect game, had he not accidentally of course nailed the other teams catcher dead in the small of his back, dropping him to his knees crying, and of course sending a message to the entire league, that yes she fucks back. Jay would be the last person on Earth to know or care about such stats, but to a fan of baseball, giving up a perfect game to remind the other team that you protect your players makes you a God, as apposed to just a Demi-God that reaching One Hundred and Nine twice on the radar board does.

The clatter amongst the crowds at all the local coffee shops was fifty, fifty, as a lot of people were still mostly on the face of the woman in that article that hit the home run that was the only score of the game. Even though she finally hit a pop up that was fielded by the second baseman later in the game that cost her perfect 1.000 average that would have been ever so sweet for her first game, the entire country was going to be hearing about her today. The fact that her brother who in his own rights was the most impressive pitcher Hadlock field had ever seen, and keep in mind it has already seen some World Series MVP pitchers come through it, was totally lost in the clamor, as well as the fact that the secret about him is still quite hidden. Most people chalked it up to the quirkiness of some pitchers that he happens to have to have a woman receiving his lightning bolts, and not the fact that only his sister can get him to do it.

Back in Boston Jack had already been called into the team Presidents office to discuss what he had witnessed the night before. Its part of his charm that you can trust his honesty a little better than a scout who wants to get credit for a good prospect score, and that was after all what John and Chris had been banking on. That and it would be strange for a Saturday morning would pass without someone bringing the cheerful Jack into their office to try to pick his brain on something. Today it was made known, what the topic would be ahead of time even. Jack was excited to get right in there and talk about the two players he saw, and immediately start working on getting them in his dugout.

“Jack, I hear what you are saying and all, but do you really think that the guys are going to accept her?” the team President Frank Boccioni asks quite seriously of his famous breakfast guest.

“Frank, I really don’t give a shit, this girl is probably even a bigger asset than her brother. I watched her fire balls to second base between batters perfectly, one inch off the rubber, and from her knees. That home run she hit wasn’t a cheapie either, but the way she played that other teams catcher, was just masterful. I haven’t got a clue what she said, but it did exactly what she wanted it too because she hit that ball off of a tee after that. Not to mention the look on that guys face, you could see it from the stands he was terrified of her!” and Frank couldn’t help but see that little kid that truly is Jack, as his eyes lit up talking about these players. If for nothing more than to get more out of this pitcher calling those two to triple A Pawtucket was going to be a definite, and probably for next week.

“Are you going to be wanting her as your catcher too Jack, I mean seriously, Cratcher is going to be furious having his job tested all season, and if that is the case I better trade him while he has some value, did you think of that?” he asked with a smile, knowing full well that Jack didn’t like the catcher he was forced to play with anyway, despite the fact that Jack, of COURSE wanted Lily as his catcher. In the twenty some odd years that Frank has had to deal with Jack, he has never once seen half assed, enthusiasm out of him. Even Jack like to use the term “I am whole assed or no assed” on occasions. “I read her stats, just so you know that you don’t have to sell me on that one. She played every game last year behind the plate in Nashua, so I know she can do it, but you’ll have to get your buddies out there to ask her if she was prepared for that. I’m pretty sure that she was expecting to simply catch once every five days. She doesn’t appear to be dumb after all. While they are at it, have them take over the necessary paperwork, it looks like Pawtucket is going to steal Portland’s new King and Queen before their proper inauguration”

“I’ve seen this girl Frank. You mark my words, she never had any intention of catching one out of every five games, and if she did, that would have made her dumb!” Jack replied, just before he tore off a huge chunk of bagel. This to Frank meant that he had made his peace, because Jack never mixes eating with chatting, he loves both too much to take either half assed.

At the home of the Franklins, it was the usual breakfast setting with Lily making the usual bowl of Fruity Pebbles for her brother, as he has eaten nothing other than that for breakfast, for as long as she has been making it for him. The futility of trying to get him to eat anything else drove her crazy long before their parents died. As she had gotten older she actually appreciated the simplicity of it rather than trying to make anything complicated anyway, and as always she perches herself on her own chair with her bowl of Raisin Bran. She does change her cereals up quite often, but has pretty much given in to just eating cereal in the morning. On the rare occasion that she sleeps in she usually comes downstairs to the kitchen where her brother Jay will be sitting at the table staring out the window.

As far as autistic caregivers go, Lily doesn’t have it all that bad, her brother does for the most part take care of himself, he’s just as incredibly structured as most autistic people tend to be. He gets up at the same time every morning, he goes to the same dresser, grabs usually the exact same clothes, dresses himself, after he takes a bath, which it has to be a bath, since showers scare him, and even Lily doesn’t know why to this day. He usually goes through this routine every morning, and then goes down to the kitchen table, where his day completely stops until Lily’s interaction is required, but he is good about simply sitting there until she fulfills her end of the bargain. Lily has been in contact with hundreds of autistic caregivers who often tell her that she has it really well, and aside from the loneliness of not having anyone to chat with; she appreciates how she has it.

The big thing with Jay is that he never makes eye contact with anyone, it’s always been a trait of him, and Lily has noted that with John, as he is the first person she has ever seen him look into the eyes of more than a few times. She went as far as to add it up actually that in the month that John has been around them off and on, she has seen her brother look into his eyes a total of five times. That is two more times then Jay has looked into her eyes, in the twenty eight years she has known him. “Being around anally autistic people starts making you anal,” she would quip with people at the office before she had retired to pursue her brother’s gift. To this day the ability to make light of her brother’s disability is a gift that many don’t hold as well as Lily either, and at times has made others uneasy, but you can accredit that to the young age in which she took on the responsibility of taking care of him.

As her cell phone rings, she quickly jumps up, and makes her way over to the counter to answer it, with the usual “Good Morning,” because Lily is one to make sure that she is very “time of day” specific in her greetings. Listening for a moment she says into the phone, “Well It’s nice to hear from you John,” and immediately notes that her brother has now made eye contact with her for the fourth time in his life, and mentally thinks to her self, “That little bastard CAN hear me,” and continues on with her conversation … to be continued

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

All writings Copyright © 2007

 

Monday, May 08, 2006

The Slammer – Chapter 1.5 - Just Like Leather Hitting Wood

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The Slammer – An Ever Growing Web Novel – Chapter 1.5

The frustration on the Fishercats faces in the dugout could be a Rockwell painting at this point, because they have been totally powerless to do anything against Jay, who has been totally oblivious to the world around him. It translates just fine in the dugout actually as nobody ever talks to a man pitching a no hitter into the seventh inning. Of course the Sea Dogs haven’t scored yet, but at least they are getting hits here and there, a few walks, and the other things that lead to perhaps winning a baseball game. Jay on the other hand has faced twenty one batters, graciously sat all twenty one down after their feeble attempts to catch up with his fast ball, or worse their inability to detect that deadly splitter that simply darts out of reach at the last second. One batter managed to look at five pitches in one plate appearance, and the two splitters that left the strike zone were just barely. If that wasn’t enough of the three batters that actually touched the ball it led to very unfortunate results as well. One managed to slap a ball to the first baseman that simply picked it up, and trotted over to the bag, while the batter looked like he had broken his hands. The other two simply popped very high foul balls chasing the slower high fast balls that they at least thought they had a chance of catching.

The third pitcher for the visiting team comes to the plate, to face the beautiful Lily who walks to the plate holding her rather heavy number sixteen bat that she wields like a gladiator anyway. The initial shock of her being a woman wore off quickly as the other team still has yet to get her out. Her two walks and a double has yielded no actual results on the scoreboard, but has immediately made her an honorary man to the apposing pitchers. Jack takes the moment to very loudly say “Screw his pitching, even if it does make me horny, get her up to the club, and thank you God I don’t have to pitch against her!” and just that simple loud comment started the crowd clamoring around them and you could hear it start spreading along the seats, as everyone either agreed with Jack because he is Jack, or simply because they are not blind, and can see a damn good hitter. He still looked at John and winked though, because Jack happens to come from that winking crowd that Chris still has yet to understand.

Lily looks at the other team’s catcher as she heads toward the plate and like she usually does, give him a smile, it’s in her nature to be polite after all, even if he is the enemy at the moment. Fed up with the state of the game, I imagine, he decides that it is time to start jawing at her, so he comes up with something original to bark at her, “Aren’t you afraid, you’ll break a nail, honey,” and the umpire looks down at first and then towards Lily almost confused as to how to deal with this. The quick wink that Lily gives the umpire, told him that she has it all handled, and fortunately for Lily and the other team’s catcher, HE understands the winking system too.

Lily lines herself up in the batters box with her usual inside stance that crowds the plate beautifully. To people like Chris in the audience, perhaps a little too beautifully, but to a pitcher, it is total madness to have a batter steal the inside of the plate like that. This pitcher immediately holds his ground as his first pitch, barely off the plate misses her by mere inches, which makes the crowd start to boo a bit. Lily immediately stops that by cocking her hand like a gun and pointing back at the pitcher as if firing a pistol, which sets the crowd into laughter, and the pitcher, tries not to smile. Jacks words ring out again in the crowd, “This girl is a natural! She knows how to control the crowd; she’ll be selling beer and subscriptions to SI quicker than I ever could!” so instantaneously the crowd around Jack starts laughing.

The next pitch was a gorgeous slow curve, or slurve as Lily herself called it as she taught it to her brother, and she was totally fooled by it. It took everything in her not to put her hand over her eyes, and make like she was watching it sail away, despite the fact that it was sitting in the catcher’s glove, and she wasn’t even close with her swing. It was Johns turn to start commentating as he says in a much quieter voice than what Jack uses “Oh, she just loves it, I bet she wants to do that golf thing where you shade your eyes, and pretend you whacked it into Canada,” and then trails off into laughter that Jack joins in. He stops laughing long enough to say, “Remember when Bob Carter did that to you?”

“Oh yeah, I wanted to laugh so hard, but you can’t let him upstage you like that, so I whacked him pretty good in the wallet, if you forgot. Damn it was harder not to start cracking up about the way he danced around with his fat ass on fire from that heater,” and the two of them start laughing up a storm, making snorts and everything, while Chris looked on, with the makings of a little smile forming on his own lips, before he focuses his eyes back on the field toward the woman in the batters box.

The next pitch was pure heat screaming strait toward the meat of the plate, and Lily was a little late on the swing, but grazed the ball sending it strait back, knocking the catchers mask clean off. Lily’s reaction is to turn around and say somewhat under her breath, “Aren’t you afraid you’ll break your face back there honey,” and starts to giggle like she usually does, when she turns to face the pitcher again. The first thing she ends up looking at when she faces the pitcher is him shaking off the sign. Then he does it again, and again, with a look of anger in his eyes. Lily knows this routine as she turns her head and looks strait at the other catcher and says dead serious, “Listen crybaby; don’t fuck with me, because I fuck back!”

The umpire very intelligently calls time, and starts jacking at both of them. Chris is stunned by what he is seeing, and the only thing that breaks his ice cold stare is Jack patting him on the shoulder, and saying “Damn kid, I want to play with both of them badly. I don’t know what type of skills you used to get them out here, but I guarantee you, they’re both going to be on the big club within weeks. I needed this, and I thank you,” while Chris nodded at him, and grabbed his hand shaking it, while nodding with a smile on his face.

“Look, let’s not act like we actually know what is going to happen here, but I have been in this game long enough to know that their pitcher can tear your head clean off, so let’s just make with the niceties and get through this at bat, or I’ll let him!” was what the umpire screamed in the other team’s catchers face. Lily stood there smiling, because she has been a fan of baseball ever since she figured out it was the only thing her brother cared about. She’s studied more baseball than either of these two ever will, and she knows that the catcher just cost his team the game, that they weren’t playing to badly up until this point. Actually for seven and a half innings, they had been giving her brother the best challenge he had ever faced, but that is about to end.

As she faces the pitcher, a smile gleans across her face, and she mutters under her breath, “Fastball, just under the knees, and in,” and as her mind traces out the best route to get the bat from her shoulder to that point, the apposing pitcher goes into his wind up. It is a mere few seconds before the ball meets the bat exactly where she planned it too, and the look on the pitchers face said it all, right before he craned his neck upwards to watch the ball fly so high and far over his head that he was probably going to need a doctor from the whiplash … to be continued

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

All writings Copyright © 2007

 

Thursday, May 04, 2006

The Slammer – Chapter 1.4 - Dreamers and Red Lighning.

Want More Free Art? ...Visit the new angelis deZines on the web at www.jeremycrow4life.com/angelisdezines

The Slammer – An Ever Growing Web Novel – Chapter 1.4

Now part of the only reason that the Red Sox even have the 3 wins that they do is because “Smokin” Jack Foster decided to come back for one more year. His last two seasons were horribly plagued with injuries, and despite the encouragement of his family, most of the team, and to be honest with you, almost the entire fan base to retire, he refused. He has every intention of making sure that his last season is one that can be talked about for ages, and despite the fact that a lot of people thought it would in humiliating fashion, he has been on fire. Un-hittable in his three starts, Smokin Jack is definitely back.

The story behind the story goes like this though, and really the only person who knows the whole truth is the scout who found Jack at the very beginning of his twenty four years in the major leagues, the man you already met named John Tricot, who fell in love with the pitcher named Jay. Jack has only been honest with John, as John has always been his best friend in all of baseball, and quite frankly the two think exactly alike. If Jack wasn’t a first ballot Hall of Fame pitcher, he wouldn’t be playing, and people wouldn’t keep John around as a mascot. You also need to factor in that John’s only real victory in the scouting world was Jack, and Jack would have never been discovered if dreamers like John didn’t think that sandlots were great places to recruit talent.

Jack has left the field in excruciating pain every day. His leg hurts, his arm feels like it is going to fall off, and if he weren’t just plain stubborn, people might catch on, but he has been fooling people with smiles and with charm and cheer for so long nobody ever looks past it. Except John of course, because if we have learned anything from this whole endeavor it is that John definitely see’s that which others don’t, and he doesn’t care to see what others do. John will never tell a soul though, and Jack will always stand by his best friend in the business, with whatever he has left, and after watching his last outing on the mound, what he has left is gradually depleting. For him though, it means a twelve strike out game as apposed to a fifteen, or perhaps a three hitter instead of a one. Jack after all does have three perfect games in his twenty one years of pitching in the major leagues and six no hitters. He is still the only gas that this team has, as injuries and a few bad decisions are taking its toll.

Jack is one of the men cut from the rock of the Gods as well, for he appreciates the weight of the world on his shoulders, but he never would spite another, for the sake of his own ego. He’s congratulated, whole heartedly two Cy Young award winners on his own team, when the only competition in the whole league was him, and also has been the victim of vote bias for his “only being a pitcher” in the MVP balloting a time or two, but he is always the man with the smile, the good advice, and more importantly the demeanor to meet a few new people to the team, and start cheering them in. In other words he’s Mickey Mantle with better velocity, less alcoholism, and in his very own opinion “a better uniform” to wear.

When he came walking into the crowd at Hadlock Field on this day, the crowd went crazy. We aren’t in the independent league anymore, this is an actual Portland Sea Dog game, and the crowd worships eagerly at one of their hero’s coming to sit in the bleachers behind home plate with them. It’s good that Jack loves the fans as he simply walks along giving smiles and shaking hands, because it calms the fanaticism immediately, when they immediately see that he is one of them, so he is quite able to find his seat next to John and Chris, before the first pitch is ever thrown.

The news had hardly any time to create the clamor for the first woman to be squatting behind the plate in an Eastern League game. It took everyone totally by surprise and the games that have been sold out since this team was a part of the Marlins organization was seeing tickets being scalped out for thousands of dollars on short notice.

The only person in the crowd more excited by it all than John, of course was Jack. Chris on the other hand looked around nervously, as he expected something bad to happen. Jack even made it a point to say quite loudly “Looks like the Sox finally made up for being the second to last team to have black players with this one if you ask me!” which got the crowd around him to all start stirring in proud agreement. The man of the people, his best friend, and the guy who is actually the most fixated on that woman than anyone else in the crowd. “John, if this kid is as good as you say he is, I’ll kiss you,” he said as he reached over to scratch at his cheek to see if he shaved, while the two old pals start laughing together.

The announcements go off, and the crowd starts cheering ferociously as their favorite team takes the field to appose the New Hampshire Fishercats, their closest rivals, and the farm team of the Blue Jays, who coincidentally are as much at the top of the Red Sox division as the Red Sox are at the bottom of it. Jack the consummate baseball fan starts hissing as the first batter finds his way into the batters box.

The points of view change here depending on who you are. Jack and John immediately see Jay standing on the mound. Jack comments on how incredibly stone faced he is, and Chris looks at him a little shocked, but then realizes in relief that he is probably not the only one that John saves the important details of things from. He on the other hand can’t take his eyes off of the six foot catcher behind the plate whose long blonde hair is flowing out the back of her helmet. He looks again at John who is motioning toward the digital reader on the scoreboard to point out to Jack that he isn’t going to want to miss what he see’s there throughout the game. Jack of course still can command a good ninety six mile per hour fast ball, but used to hit a hundred in his brighter days. Again, as a huge fan of the game his eyes are opened wide as he spy’s Jay finally step onto the pitching rubber.

This crowd isn’t acclimated yet to what they are about to witness, so the banter is still going rather loudly. The noise factor is not too bad, as the crowd at Hadlock is usually rather leisurely. The giant of a man with the face of a little boy points his face downward so that the brim of his cap is pointing down at his toes, his hand clutched upon the baseball, inside of the glove, that is pressed tight to his chest. Now John, of course, who knows what is to come, next, shushes up his pal sitting next to him and they both stare. In a graceful motion like that of the legendary Achilles as he is about to wield his deadly javelin, the wingspan of the mighty Jay Franklin outstretches to the fullest of it’s almost seven feet of difference. Again the glove hand points down, and again the lightning bolt is perched back in the other hand toward the grandstand. The left leg lifts up to torque the weaponry, and even Jack lets out a gasp as the moment that the most dangerous of predators merges with the greatest of swans combine frozen in time seemingly endless, and he knows it from the moment he first gazed upon it sitting here. The raging force of a battleship swings forward releasing the white sphere with a great explosion, and you would have thought that Jack would have stood up to get a better look at it the way he stared.

As the ball hits the glove it makes the loudest crack that this field has ever heard, like the Hammer of God had struck the Earth, and the crowd that mere seconds ago was going about their chatter in a million directions simply stopped for a moment and then in perfect unison let out a collective “Oooooooooooo” at the very same moment that the Umpire throws his hand up in the air and yells “Steeeeeerrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiike!” and while the cheering starts the look of sheer terror fills the eyes of the batter as he looks towards the mound. Jack on the other hand smiles at John and gives him a great big hug after seeing the one, the zero, and the seven, in that order; on the scoreboard under the sign that reads ‘MPH” … to be continued

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

All writings Copyright © 2007

 

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

The Slammer - Chapter 1.3 - A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Applebees.

Want More Free Art? ...Visit the new angelis deZines on the web at www.jeremycrow4life.com/angelisdezines

The Slammer – An Ever Growing Web Novel – Chapter 1.3

“I can’t believe that you of all people let her talk you into meeting the two of them at an Applebee’s of all places, now don’t get me wrong, this is my type of place and all, but you usually wouldn’t be caught dead here,” chuckled from Johns mouth as the two of them were standing in the lobby of Applebee’s surrounded by screaming children, and flustered looking parents. The same child that keeps running into Chris’s leg appears to be making a habit of it now, and John is doing everything he can to control his laughter as Chris has once again found himself looking quite out of place.

“Well, I imagine that a good scout is going to go to any lengths to work a deal, but you probably wouldn’t know that as the team mascot, now would you?” Chris retorted in a very snotty voice that made John chuckle loud enough to make the patrons take notice of him. The walk to the seats seemingly takes forever to Chris who is definitely acting like he doesn’t want to be seen here.

“Yeah, but you go beyond major league scout kid, you’re a full blown, stuck up major league dickhead, and that’s why the parents love it when you come along and steal their children. You take them to the finest places; lie to their faces with such amazing acting abilities. It’s classic, and to be totally honest with you, I would rather be a cartoon character who has been a junior scout for 25 years then walk around like you do, but hey, that’s me,” came amazingly “off the cuff” out of Johns mouth as he acted more disinterested with the conversation than anything else. He was simply gazing around the rafters of the Applebee’s, enjoying all of the old time baseball memorabilia. He does take his eyes off of the memorabilia, just in enough time to see Chris glaring out the window at a brand new Mercedes Benz that just pulled into the parking lot, and states, “That’s probably them.”

There was a mildly shocked look on Chris’s face as he turned for a quick glance at John, and then back out the window to see if he was correct. Low and Behold, he was correct, as the huge figure of Jay stepped from the passenger’s side of the car, and he had the biggest grin on his face, and for a change wasn’t looking strait ahead. His wide eyes gazing all about the place as if he were looking at the great Pyramids of Egypt puzzled Chris for a moment, until he looked at the man-child sitting next to him doing the exact same thing to the rafters of the restaurant. He didn’t do that for long as his gaze immediately shot back out the window to look at the beautiful Lily strolling out from the driver’s side, “How come they drive a car like that?” he asked John.

“They’re billionaires, Chris,” replied John still looking up into the rafters, and then dead into Chris’s eyes, as he added, “It was in my scouting report,” and with that he stood up to greet Lily and Jay as they made their way to the table. His mannerisms are just perfect for this meeting as he leans in and kisses Lily on the cheek and she smiles the only innocent looking smile that Chris had ever noticed. This of course was during that obnoxious period, where he is trying to clumsily get himself out of the booth. The sight is quite amusing, because it doesn’t take a genius to realize that Chris hasn’t been in many booths at restaurants before. As he reaches out to attempt again to shake Jay’s hand, he almost gets knocked over as Jay darts into the seat that he had been sitting in. The look on Chris’s face of pure shock is priceless, and it forces John and Lily to start giggling.

“He has to sit on that side, it’s one of the few things that I can count on from him, I’ve brought him here every night for going on three years now, it’s the only thing that gets him animated other than baseball” and before Chris could start the awkward “puppy love” task of trying to figure out where he is positioned in the seating arrangements now, Lily gestures him into the booth across from Jay before she places herself in the seat next to him. John plunks himself down next to Jay, and the two of them instantly start looking about the ceiling together like a cartoon.

“Oh God, those two are quite a pair aren’t they,” Chris weakly says in an attempt to be less uncomfortable, which failed instantly, as John shot him a dirty look. He decides that the best course of action now is to start reading the menu, because he has dominated every conversation he has ever been involved in, and the imminent failure of what he was once the master at, is upon him, and he isn’t dumb enough to not see that.

When the waitress approaches the table the first thing she says is, “Good afternoon Jay, how’s my favorite baseball star today?” and amazingly enough, Jay stopped looking at the rafters long enough to look strait into the eyes of the waitress, and smile at her. Chris noticed this as well, as he sits across from him trying to get a pattern from Jay. All good scouts try to assess all of the mannerisms and habits of the prospects that they are scouting. What he notices is that Jay doesn’t know he exists, and doesn’t have a single mannerism that is obvious except for the ones that most people would consider strange. He did notice a rather interesting thing though, when John taps him on the arm and points at the “Babe Ruth” jersey in the corner. Jay actually pays attention to John, which was obvious as he looked at the jersey and then made eye contact with John as well.

Lily pipes up at this point and says to Chris, “ So I imagine that you have found out by now, that salary isn’t actually an issue, so I’m pretty sure that you will be able to sell that angle to your boss,” while she flips her napkin into her lap. “I really don’t care if I play either, it’s just I want people to see how amazing my brother is, just like John there does,” but as she looked at Chris she adds, “Yes John has been coming by the games a lot, and I wouldn’t even be talking to you if Jay didn’t seem to like him, you people worry me,” and winked. This of course made Chris want to start openly drooling, but he simply gazed back at the other two before he started making squeaking noises.

This situation is not only noticed by all of you of course, as John catches it from the corner of his eye as well, and let’s just assume that he is rather enjoying it as well, but he does take some pity on his younger boss and states “You know that what will happen is if we can get this passed by Theo, then the two of you will be shipped off to Portland or Pawtucket to see how you fare with the bigger egos right?” and then he gave her a wink of his own. Winkers are inherent in the way they communicate, and John just displayed the type of charm that always escaped Chris, and is probably going to make this all work. Chris is only here to sign off on it, and as he is starting to notice, it’s probably better that way. His lack of skills right now is showing badly, as he simply makes inaudible squeaks and nods a lot.

When the waitress comes back she displays the usual Applebee’s spiels, and then asks them if they are ready to order. Before anyone can say a word Jay pipes right up with, “Yes Tina, I would like to have the Bourbon house steak, with mashed potatoes and corn please,” and that was the end of that as he starts looking all star struck at the ceiling again. Chris was taken aback a bit, as this was the first time he had heard Jay talk, and it was quite normal enough, and he was very polite, despite the fact that he kinda acts like nobody else is here. Well also he notices that the name tag on the waitress says “Sherry” as well. The waitress took no notice and gave Jay a smile that was more along the lines of “That total hunk can call me ANYTHING he wants”, then the look that Chris expected of “Let’s humor the man who is different.” Chris of course understands that feeling quite well at the moment.

After what was quite an enjoyable evening of getting to know the whole story behind Jay and Lily, which was all in the report, had Chris bothered to read it after all, Chris had learned everything necessary to take to the General Manager of the Sox. Jay has thrown an eighty seven percent strike ratio over his two years in independent double A, and that is amazing even for the lesser of the leagues. He also had a strikeout to walk ratio of twenty nine to one, which if somehow that translated fractionally to the major leagues, he would be a legend in his first season. These are very important points to know, but more importantly, stats like that were finally able to make Chris drool over something other than the amazingly tall and ridiculously beautiful blonde telling him the stats. Armed with this information and a two year batting average of .388 with a decent slugging percentage of .522 for Lily, he doesn’t seem like an idiot, aside from the fact that he is talking about a severely functionally handicapped man and his older sister.

The other pieces, he deduced actually help as well. They are orphans to cranberry magnates from Cape Cod. Lily was granted custody of her younger brother at the young age of nineteen, while he was still sixteen, and managed to run the company that made their parents billionaires very well for the next eight years, before she placed a board in place to spend more time with her brother. The only thing that they could muster was their love for baseball and Applebee’s, but these things he thinks will look good for her in particular, as she will be carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. He looks at John once more before they get up from the table, who has been looking around the ceiling and exchanging glances with his new best friend for the last ninety minutes between food breaks, and chuckles that the thought of, “And HE seems to think it isn’t a big deal,” but for the first time in Chris’s structured life, he has met someone who can totally dominate a conversation that he is involved in, and he has also had to admit, that John might have saved the 3 and 14 Red Sox this year … to be continued

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

All writings Copyright © 2007

 

Monday, May 01, 2006

Tales From The New Communist Manifesto

So here’s my dilemma as it stands at 3:30 pm on a Monday afternoon, May 1, 2006 as I was pondering whether to post another volume to my story, or to go live for the most part with some daily commentary. I had stopped writing basically out of my own disgust with the current situations in the world and my inability to get past any of them without ranting. After you throw in a rather raging bout of depression with it all and it was a raging psycho cocktail that I didn’t want to impose on anyone, and quite frankly was sick of looking at myself, but I can’t let today pass without a few of MY musings on what today is. Today in history {more commonly referred to as May Day} is one of the greatest holidays in the history of the communist revolution, and I won’t bore you with the history of it as there are two firm camps and I don’t want to placate either. The big problem is that we are starting a rather frothy journey towards that wonderful communism experiment that always starts with words like “oppression”, “socialism”, “underclass”, and a bevy of other lies that are propagandized by enemy invaders that want nothing more than to destroy YOUR world.

How dare I speak of illegal immigrants in the terms of being enemy invaders you might say to yourself, but as the news media is ramming their plight down your throat and over 80% of Americans want them the fuck out of this country, it is important for you all to understand that ALL communist nations start off this way. You create a totally dependant and needy underclass of people, and then flood the voter pool and then socialism gets voted in followed by some sort of maniacal dictator taking the reins. Calling the Mexicans that are flooding the country and demanding the same rights that you were born with, paid for by YOU is all a part of the plan that the disgusting dictator that keeps Mexico impoverished is implementing to “take back Mexican land” while the socialist organizations that are really behind all of these “Undocumented” {fuck you … they are criminals} workers are reaping the benefits of “importing” undereducated and impoverished masses. For those of you who don’t speak Spanish like myself, the chant at most of these rally’s is translated to “Today we march, Tomorrow we vote!” and it was the similar rally cry of most of the invaders of the eastern European countries that lived oppressed under the tyranny of communism for over half of a century.

My data was taken from real life survivors of such tyranny and it happens to be a good thing that I learned how to communicate with all of the Bosnians at work who not only didn’t stay out of work today {as this whole thing makes all 13 of them violently ill to say the least} but were amazed at how the socialist organizations here in this country have the exact same names as the ones that infiltrated Serbian and Bosnian society before Tito flooded Yugoslavia with Albanians and then took it with an iron fist because he had enough undereducated and impoverished people to outweigh any of the at one time overly educated and incredibly cultured that made up the area. The Polish people that I work with told me similar stories, and they too are enraged at the trend that the “ILLEGAL” immigrants are forcing upon us with the help of the unabashedly socialist organizations backing them. I defy any of you {without God's law bashing or calling me a racist like most people with no facts usually do} to tell me any other crime that you can do every day for over 5 years that will be overlooked, given amnesty and then in the end rewarded.

We are living in troubled times and I used to be on the side of the illegal aliens until I started paying attention, and like the pro death zealots in the abortion community, they completely overstepped any lines that would be considered reasonable. Aligning your movement with Iron Fisted dictators like Hugo Chavez in Venezuela have a lot to do with my personal turn around, and the anarchy that is about to come upon the country. Hugo and his ties to Cuba, Iran, China, and any other country that means to kill YOU personally are well documented if you pay attention in that arena as well. His total and complete ownership of Citgo {which of course the news media neglects as it is a dictatorship and thus friends of "Big News" unlike "Big Oile" which loosely translated really only means Exxon Mobile to them} and his desperate need to have an unstable America don't mix very well. The scary trend that this is all taking on reminds me a lot of the issues that the French have right now as the Islamic have invaded their country to the point of them being totally neutered to solve their own problems and nobody in the world arena except the soft underbelly that France has become allies with looks to France as the glimmering example of what the world should be like. Back on the news agencies in this country that also have set off my radars quite well as socialism has been their goal for decades and now lookie here as the 24 – 7 news cycle on Bush Sucks, Illegal Aliens should be given amnesty from committing a crime every day that they wake up on American soil, and any company that makes a profit {especially if they contribute to the American way of life like Oil Companies} should be taxed out of existence, is pretty much it. Heaven forbid that 80% of Americans wants the illegal aliens arrested and deported, the economy is the strongest it has been in almost a decade {wow and the oil companies were allowed to make profits too?} and all bullshitting aside Bush will be gone in 2 and a half years so who gives a fuck!

I can’t take it anymore. You have both political parties in this country pandering to the people who are not allowed to vote, and selling all of US down the river. The Republicans {which if you couldn’t tell I am registered as one of} are a total fucking joke. They have managed to do NOTHING even though they have controlled the House, Senate, and the oval office for it seems like forever, so NOW they need to score brownie points as always by taking what they think is an important issue to us and beating it to death. It has to do with the keeping of power, just like the dictators in other countries. Fix the problems and you have nothing to pander with I suppose, but don’t even go there on the Democrats because we probably would BE socialist by now if they had their way, and the only thing that we have left is our own voices and our own ways of being heard. For now anyway, but let it be known from this day forward that I have no respect for anyone who is in this country illegally. I am no longer a sheep with feelings. I am an American with a cause.

On a side note ... For those of you who have been wondering what I have been doing to keep myself active while I was on vacation from writing, and about the pictures that I have been adding to my blogs ... I have gotten into a program called Incredimail and Paint Shop Pro and I do e-mail groups with them ... It's a lot of fun, but it relaxes me to make quazi art and them make stationeries out of it that people can take and then use in thier Incredimail programs ... If you want to join my Incredimail Group on Google {CreationStation} then please feel free to check it out http://groups.google.com/group/CreationStation ... JC

Have a question you want answered? Feel free to ask this sicko! Post any question you want Jeremy Crow to answer in the comments section of this blog and he will answer it totally honestly and to the best of his ability A.S.A.P.